Crap to the Future
by Raikku of The Darkness
Summary: When HoroHoro uses a toliet, everything seems fine...until he finds out he's been shipped to the future, where 4Kids TV rules all! Will he ever get back to his time and save this one? Rated for language and stupid poop jokes.
1. Prologue

Hello, Shaman King fans! Raikku of the Darkness here with a new fic that's a big "F-U" to 4Kids TV. Take off _'Shaman King' _will you? I think not!

Disclaimer: I don't own '_Shaman King' _or any of the its characters, nor any other shows ruined by those 4Kids bastards. However, any original characters, like Raikku or Rayna, all belong to me, so you steal, I kill.

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Crap to the Future

By: Raikku of the Darkness

Prologue: Horo-Horo and the Time-Defying Toilet

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Once upon a time in a land called Germany, a man paced in his underground study. His brown eyes never looking up from the ground, always walking six steps, turning, then walking another six steps in the opposite direction. Then he stopped, scratching his long white beard.

"Come now, Faust." he whispered to himself. "You know you can do this."

Yes, this man was the original Faust, Faust the First. A scientist, brilliant in the ways of alchemy and witchcraft. Many people him to be mad, however, and drove him to live in the secret underground compound of his now destroyed castle on the edge of the village. As you may know, Lord Faust sold his soul to the devil, Mephistopheles, for the power of necromancy, the art of raising the dead. But now, the great Faust was confused. For five months, his been working on a project, a secret project. A project so secret that he had to take a special potion to remember everything about it, for he wrote nothing down. Only two beings knew of this secret project; himself and Mephistopheles.

Faust began to pace again, the shadows on the walls dancing, as if laughing at his plight. Soon, the air about him grew cold and the doctor knew that _he _was there.

"Having a problem with your duty, eh, Faust?" a deep voice said from behind him. He turned to see a man in a black robe, black hair and blood red eyes.

"What do you want?" Faust hissed.

The man chuckled, revealing his white fangs. "Is that anyway to speak to your master."

The man sighed. "What does my master wish of me today?" he growled.

"Good, you're learning." said Mephistopheles, waving his clawed hand; a throne-like chair appearing. The devil sat. "I'm checking in on our project. I am your financial backer."

Faust swallowed hard. "It's stuck."

"Stuck?"

"Yes, stuck."

Mephistopheles leaned back in the chair. "Why is this?"

Honestly, even Faust himself didn't know. He ran all types of tests, but yet, the problem was still there.

"I don't know."

The demon laughed. "You don't know?"

"No."

"Let me see the medium."

Faust walked over to a table and lifted something off it. With another wave of his hand, another table appeared before him. The scientist placed the object down on it. It was a wooden cabinet with a flat top and two doors on the front.

Mephistopheles stood up. "Take it out."

Faust opened the doors and took out something white and placed it on the cabinet. It was a porcelain pot; a chamber pot, also known as the original toilet.

"So what's the problem?"

"Well, " Faust began. "the spell has already been placed on it, but it doesn't seem to be working."

Mephistopheles threw him an amused look. "Did you do it right?"

The doctor let a low growl escape his throat. Of course he did it right; he's Faust I!

"Yes, I did. Maybe your minion taught me wrong."

"You blame this on Situs?" he chuckled.

"Yes."

"You shouldn't say things you can back up, Faust." another voice added from the dark corner of the room.

"Oh, Situs, I'm glad you could join us." a woman appeared from the shadows. She had short blond hair and also blood red eyes. A mischievous smile plastered on her face. She wore a very revealing black dress; low cut with a high slit coming up her thigh. In her pale arms, was a worn, black book.

"Master, you know I taught him right." Situs whispered. "He's just a disgrace."

"Maybe," said the devil. "Or maybe you forgot again."

Her eyes widened. "No, never!"

"Give me you spell book." Situs had him the object in her arms. Mephistopheles opened it and stopped on a page. He ran a clawed finger down it.

"Master, I taught him all that was on that page." she pleaded.

He glanced up at her, smirking. "Then you didn't know there was a continuation on the back, then?" he turned the page, showing the missing ingredient.

"My lord, I-"

"You what?"

Situs was sweating profusely now. "I didn't know. I swear!"

Mephistopheles walked over to her, pulling her into a hug. "There, there, Situs. It's ok."

"Really, Master?" her voice muffled in his cloak.

"Yes," he answered, lifting her chin. "You have another purpose now."

"I do?"

"Mm-hmm."

"What's that, my lord?

He grinned at her. "You will give us the missing ingredient."

"My liege?"

"Your demon heart." his hand dug into her back and a second later, took out her still beating heart. The body dropped to ground in a bloody heap. Mephistopheles threw the heart to Faust.

"Mix this in with the rest of the potion. It will work now."

And so, with the help of the devil, Faust the First created a chamber pot with the power to travel to the future. But soon, he realized that the power of time travel was one that even he could not control. So he lock it in his underground cavern for all eternity, or so he thought. 500 years later, the cursed toilet would be unearthed by his very descendant, Faust VIII, who didn't know of the horror, the madness, or the cleaning that went into this cesspool of hell. He lived a normal (for him) life with the chamber pot until one day…

"Oh, my god, Horo-Horo! What did you eat?" a brunette boy exclaimed, covering his nose. A blue-haired boy laid next to him, shirt unbuttoned.

Horo-Horo groaned. "I don't know, Yoh. Uh…a watermelon, roast beef, a pizza-"

"Just this morning, Horo." Yoh interrupted

"A watermelon, roast beef, a pizza…" the boy's stomach rumbled. "Ooooh, it hurts!"

"Well, last time, you broke the only toilet left in the house, so we'll just have to wait for Faust to get back with that chamber pot thingy."

Yes, Faust was bring the cursed toilet to the En Inn for use. The Ainu was staying with Yoh while his sister, Pirika, Yoh's fiancé, Anna, friend, Tamao, and Yoh's cousin, Rayna, took a week-long trip to a hot spring in Kyoto. They already established that they will have to get the toilets fixed before the return or both of the their faces would be on the back of a milk-carton.

The door slid opened revealing Faust and his wife, Eliza. "Sorry, I'm late, Yoh." he sniffed the air. "Ugh, what died in here?"

"Ask Mr. I'm-Starving!"

"Ok, I get it!" exclaimed the Ainu.

"So," Faust began. "Where do you want this?"

Horo-Horo leaped to his feet. "I'll take that!" he said, snatching the chamber pot from the doctor and running toward the restroom.

"Does he know how to use that?" Faust asked, his wife giggling beside him.

"He'll figure it out." Yoh answered.

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"What the hell?" Horo-Horo said, looking at the bowl he was supposed to take a crap in. "What do I do with this?"

"You poop in it, stupid!" a voice called from outside the door signaling that the Chinese bombshell, Ren, had arrived.

"Shut up! You just miss your little girlfriend, Ren!" he yelled back.

"Rayna's not my girlfriend!" The blue-haired boy turned back to his problem. He sighed, pulled down his pants, and took a seat.

"This is weird." he thought to himself. Then, his butt began to tingle. Looked to see the porcelain pot beginning to glow.

"Oh sh--" he couldn't finish his sentence as he and the toilet were pulled from the restroom.

They were moving fast, through time and space. Horo-Horo saw many things: the invention of the wheel, the creation of the world, the guy creating first pizza. Finally, the traveling stopped and he fell to the ground.

"Ow." he said lifting his head. His brown eyes screamed as they took in his surroundings.

It was Funbari Hill but all the buildings were destroyed, leaving their skeletons behind. The once green grass was now dirt and the sky was a dim gray.

"Did Hao do this?" he thought to himself. He rose to his feet, pulling up his pants as he did. He looked around again and as he was doing this, a newspaper slapped his face.

"Ow! Today is just not my day!" he yelled. He looked at the paper, one head line read:

"Paris renamed _'4-Popalis'_"

"4-Popalis?" he questioned. Then, it all became clear when he read the headline:

"World conquered by 4Kids TV"

Horo-Horo looked up. "Holy Crap."

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You like? Review! 


	2. Chapter 1: The Outrages

Konnichi-wa! ROD is here with the next chapter of _"Crap to the Future"_, but first, I would like to address an anonymous review I got.

Generic reviewer: Number one- You're making yourself sound like a fool calling someone a twit. Secondly, this is my way of letting out my anger toward 4Kids for taking off Shaman King, I have nothing against them except the fact that they change perfectly fine anime and make it child-friendly. And if you were a true Shaman King fanatic, like me, you would be just as upset; so you just stick to Pokemon, where Ash has been ten years old for the past 6 years, and Yugioh, that has lost all appeal to me since the beginning of the third season, and let me do my thing, thank you. And about that _"go to hell" _thing, you'll be there first. Trust…

Now that that's out of the way, on with the fic!

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Crap to the Future

By: Raikku of the Darkness

Chapter One: Old Friends, Same Shit

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Horo gaped at the newspaper. _4Kids TV takes Over World. _He couldn't believe it. How could this happen? How far in time had he gone?

He sat down on a steel beam, dropping the paper from his hand. _"What am I gonna do?" _he thought to himself. He knew the En Inn was gone, he didn't even need to see it. But what about his friends? Yoh, Anna, Raye, Ryu, Tamao, Ren, Faust, Chocolove, Lyserg…and Pirika. What was he going to do? So he stood up and did the only thing he could do…run around, screaming, in a circle.

"HOLY-CRAP! HOLY-CRAP! HOLY-CRAP!" the Ainu screamed over and over. He did this for a good five minutes until he heard a familiar voice.

"Kuru?" Horo looked to see Kororo, the Koropokkur, looking up at him with her big brown eyes.

"Kororo!" he said, cupping her in his hands. "I forgot I had you with me." Horo ruffled her black hair and she giggled in return. Honestly, how could her forget about his best friend in the whole world!

The blue haired shaman dusted off his clothes. "Well, I guess we should try to find someone to help us." He looked to the chamber pot. "We can't forget this…I may need it again."

And so, Horo-Horo, the Ainu with a heart of gold and a stomach the size of a small country, began his trudge across the grim future he had been transported to by a cursed toilet, not knowing where to go, his purpose, or where his next meal would be coming from. He and his guardian ghost traveled for two hours until…

"Kuru!" Kororo exclaimed, pointing to something in the distance.

"What is it?" Horo asked her. The small spirit flew forward and her master followed her into what looked like a small garden. The Ainu saw Kororo stop near a figure kneeling near a green bush.

"Kororo?" the figure yelled, her voice filled with surprise.

"Kuru! Kuru" the spirit exclaimed, leaping into the arms of the person.

Horo ran up. "Kororo! What are you-" the figure turned around. A pair of familiar brown eyes and long blue hair looked into his own…Pirika.

"Oniisan?" her quivering voice asked.

"Pirika!"

"Oniisan!" She leaped into his arms, sobbing. "We thought you were missing!"

"What are you talking about?" Horo asked. Pirika stood back up, wiping her eyes.

"We can talk about this later," she began, grabbing her brother's hand. "We have to tell everyone you're back!"

With that, Pirika turned and began pulling him into a small opening in the mists of a pile of rubble. She push a large block of wood out of the way, revealing a door. They entered a long, dark hallway lightened by the occasional candle. It seemed like the brother and sister walked a mile (to him) before they reached another door, heavier this time, so they both pushed it opened.

"Hey, Pirika, you're back?" a girl with long black hair said walking toward them. She hugged girl tightly, not noticing Horo-Horo behind her.

"Did you get the stuff?" she asked.

Pirika shook her head. "No, I got something better!" her brother stepped from the shadows.

"Horo-Horo!" she exclaimed.

"Hey, Rayna…" he waved. Rayna moved in close, as if to hug him. NOT! She punched him in the arm, knocking the wind out of him.

"Where have you been? We needed you!"

"But, I-"

"But nothing! We need you and Kororo to fight those 4Kid-drones! But, nooo! You didn't come back from taking a crap! How hard is it to squat, push, and flush? Not very!" the girl ended, crossing her arms. Horo was about to answer when something hit him in the head.

"Yeah!" Pirika exclaimed. "Where were you!"

"Uh…" Horo began to panic. How was he going to explain a time-traveling chamber pot to two very homicidal girls? "Well, you see. What had happen was-"

Rayna through up her hands. "I give up! You're about to lie!"

"Raye." the younger girl interrupted. "Let's just tell everyone we found him." Pirika grabbed her hand. "Then, we can kill him."

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It had been about an hour since our favorite ice shaman was found by his sister, Pirika, and nearly killed by his friend, Rayna. After the events in the doorway, Rayna and Pirika reintroduced Horo-Horo to the remaining members of the Asakura-tachi: Yoh, who's hair was even more unruly, if possible, under the watch of Anna, attitude and all. Ren, who was still a pompous jackass but was a bit more tame since Raye had him whipped like the family dog. Faust, Lyserg, and Tamao were all still there and to his shock, so was Hao Asakura, twin brother of Yoh and fallen shaman dictator.

"YOU!" Horo screamed, pointing a incriminating finger at Hao, who looked at him as if he were wearing ladies' underwear on his head.

"Yes, I'm me." the shaman began, nonchalantly. "But you are?"

"Don't you play coy with me, Hao! You will not attack my friends!"

"Horo," Yoh sighed. "Hao isn't our enemy; he's an ally against 4Kids."

"Yes, Horo-Horo. Maybe we should inform him of what's happened, eh, Yoh-san?" Faust added.

Ren grinned. "Yeah, Yoh. But be sure to use small words for him."

"You know what, you son-of-a-"

"Children, please!" Rayna exclaimed. "Just come on."

The group began to walked toward the "sitting room" of the underground fortress, but the blue-haired shaman turned back toward the twin of his best friend.

"I'll be watching you…" he said, glaring at Hao. "Those outrages you done to us have not been forgotten! I haven't forgotten…those outrages! No, NO! No, I have not forgotten! Not the out-"

"Yeah, yeah. 'Outrages'…I think you've made that clear."

"Damn you."

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Thanks for reading! Please review!


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